Human beings are pretty down-right complicated. This is a statement I am sure most of you can agree on but let me continue. Human beings are complicated creatures. We want what we can not have, and hate the things we do have. If we have something, we only want it when its been taken away. Its not logical, but then again, I am lead to believe that humans are not logical. So with all this logic flying out of windows at high velocity, it should be safe to say that the one person with any sense of common sense should be held in high regard.

Alas, this is not to be. For there are many reasons people are not logical. Emotions come out to play in logics abandoned house, and then things can only get worse. Yes I am rambling and not making much sense. I know this, you know this, and yet you keep reading. Logically you should have realised that my entire argument has been summed up at the top of the page.

So what does logic have to do with the search for self, the search for what makes you, well, you. Some people have a handle on what makes them them. Others are not so lucky. Do you have a plan for your life? Is your life going according to plan? Do you even know what it is you want out of life? You see, after much thought, I have come to realise that life, well living a good life, is like playing a game for the achievements. You don’t want to rush to finish it to see what happens at the end. You want the big trophy to say you have done a lot (if not everything). I realise I have lost almost everyone on this point, but it being my point to make, am satisfied I made it. That’s just how I roll.  For everyone having a moment at the amount of words all grouped together in one big scary block : Life is worth living for the experiences.

So with that in mind, where do we go from here? Well in my (continuous) search for self, I have discovered the first question being asked by some one in this situation is “How does me being alive benefit others?”. After a long drawn out process that saw me plunge into madness and emerge again (and who knows I could be insane right now) I have come up with a few options to allow me to help other people. Well when I say options, I only have one idea right now. And before you get on your high horse, no! I will not do charity work. If I am equal to everyone, then why must I give up my life, time, effort to make someone happy without making me happy? I rest my case. This option I have though for myself has many benefits for me, and for those I help. Its a win-win situation and I don’t just get to help one or two people, but entire nations. I have decided to try out for some form of armed services. Something like the Marine Corps, the UN Peacekeeper |Corps or something along those lines. i will not join the South African Armed Forces, as my faith in this country in non-existent. And now we are getting political, so lets steer this ship away from those rocky waters, and onto the search for self.

The questions that I asked myself, and still continue to ask are: Where do I fit in the grand scheme of things? What do I hope to accomplish over the course of my life? What am I doing now to accomplish that? What am I doing with my life? Is it a good life? Is it worth something? What is the point to doing the same thing every day? It pretty much covers some of the ideas put forward in my previous post, so for hidden references, see that.

Well I have droned on and on, and somehow gotten here. I know it doesn’t make much sense, but then again, we humans don’t have much of that anyways. Logically we should be wanting to live our lives for ourselves, and yet we get the desire to help each other in the oddest ways possible.

I think I might have played with this topic like an elastic band that has no stretch left, but that’s just me being awesome…

Categories: Blog


Evan Russell · July 15, 2012 at 9:48 am

First there is life . . . and for some, there is an “in-between” . . . then there is death. You've been given a beginning and you already know that there is an end, just like any book, it has to end. The “in-between”, for those lucky enough to live, are the blank pages we have to write. Our life is a book and we are the main characters. In essence, we are our own authors. Now on the flip side, Christianity states, God is the author, that our lives are predestined. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. I don't know and I am sure the Pope can't tell you either.

Anywho . . . we are what we want to be in life. Do we listen to our internal moral compass or do we ignore it and say “Hell with the consequences.” I do assure you that karma does exist and it will seek you out for all the deeds you do in life but that is not my point. My point is, no one knows their purpose. Some people are lucky enough to be called to their profession. For example, some people are called into preaching. I can not describe what a “calling” is but it feels like you are being pulled in a direction and there's nothing you can do to fight against it. I was given a calling, I managed to ignore it for personal reasons but even to this day I am still being called to a certain path and that is why I want to go into social work. I believe my skills would be more beneficial to my fellow man than what I was first called to do.

So you are reared . . . you live according to your own beliefs and moral code. . . and you die. I don't know about you but I am more interested in the “in-between” than I am with the beginning or the end.

Becky Johns · October 22, 2010 at 3:03 am

This IS you just being awesome and I absolutely love it. Please write more. And if you're open for some ideas to help cast the net and sift through what you like or don't as far as “who you are and want to be”, please call on me. At almost 38, I'm seeing the tip of iceberg of “what I want to be when I grow up” and it's refreshing. I began that on-purpose inquiry 1/2 my life ago. Really ticked me off along the way. But now I can breathe.

Peace to you on the journey. I hope I can be a contribution to YOU.

Many blessings,
Becky from

Comments are closed.