Its official. Twilight has killed more people than marijuana.

Its true! A New Zealand man was found dead after one of the late night screenings of the latest in the tween and teen exploitations known as Twilight. All over the world, girls with no brains have been flocking to see these movies and dragging their lust-filled boyfriends along. Having anything to do with this idiotic series is reason to question someone’s intelligence (girls) and sexuality (guys).

So the death toll now reads

Twilight : 1

Marijuana : 0

And Mary Jane has been here a hell of a lot longer than Twilight. It seems logical that now one of these should be banned and one legal. Lets see if you are smart enough to guess which…

I suggest we all get together for a good ole book burning, only this time we throw those dumb enough to be enamored with this abortion of literature, in with the books. The IQ of the population will go up, along with the annoying fans who claim its more than just teen-fodder used to make money.

On another note, it seems Twilight also wants to make your life miserable if it cant kill you. The web is filled with reports of divorces, fights, and one mans personal journey of needing to be rushed to the E.R. for 17 stitches all because of this. Don’t believe me? Here is one of the stories of how it can almost break up a marriage: The Danger of Twilight

So for now, lets encourage people to read real books. One with characters who are interesting, and where things happen. Of course, if you are a TwiHard or know of one, please do all you can to cleanse them of these sins. I hear long falls with sudden stops are good, as is rat poison, taken with breakfast.

Categories: Blog


Evan Russell · July 15, 2012 at 9:17 am

If you ever run out of t.p. grab the closest Twi book, works like a charm ^_^ and flushes with ease.

Lanie Painie · October 21, 2010 at 10:44 am

You had me until “book burning.” How bout we take those books and bonk people over the head with them instead? Then we can responsibly recycle the pages or use them in our compost piles. k?

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