As my body decides its time to wig out again, and give me an outbreak of ulcers, headaches and twitchy eyes, it has become apparent to me that I must be under some sort of stress. What stress, I do not know. I don’t feel anxious, or worried and have nothing big playing on my mind – taunting me while I try and sleep. No matter how many times I try to explain this to my body, it hunkers down, growls at me and stiffens my neck muscles. Clearly I am not cut out for any life outside of a city, for I don’t see this being a favorable trait in keeping me alive in the wild. How and why this trait was passed on through all the generations is anyones’ guess. Maybe the Dunkerley tribe took pity on the poor boy who was a constant bundle of stressful energy, even allowing him to go so far as to procreate. Its all their fault! Them, and their caring nature. Anyways, back on topic. I am under some form of stress about something or other. Or maybe its my brain worms again…
Dear reader, you are probably thinking “Pfft, everyone is always under constant stress much worse than yours”, and you’d probably be right. I don’t have much to worry about, and my life is pretty stress free, thanks to living in a first world country. But it does lead onto an interesting observation – everyone is under stress. When did this happen? And why? Surely this is not normal. Surely human beings are not supposed to be subjected to stress for the 70 out of their 80 years? Yet, its a given that we are, and stop calling me Shirley. Its madness! Why do we continue to live this way?
The right type of stress and pressure is good. That’s when resolve and character building and life changes come into play. Much like how an archway stays up by putting pressure on the bricks next to it. That is when the good, healthy and other nice Eee’s come into play. Humans have to have stress to make a change, or we’ll just turn into potatos, only doing whats easy. But to be under the constant bad stress, which some people wear like a badge of honor? What type of life is that?
Why do are people so proud that they are under pressure? Or busy? Some times people need a little R&R. A little feet up time. Time to just hang out with those special to you. I don’t know why people are so proud of their stress. If it were up to me, I’d be quite willing to have the good stress. The stress that motivates me and makes me change into a better person. Rather than this stress, which ends up costing me money to have someone rub the knots out of my back and gives me dreams of bus drivers stalking my pet chimp. As I said, my brain worms are wigging out…
I don’t know why you expect me to have any answers to these questions. I do not study human behavior. In fact, I barely understand how to set the time on the microwave! So I am the wrong person to ask. I just know my body has decided it is now time for the yearly try-kill-Kyle part of its cycle, and I want to find out whos paying it! That way I can offer it more money. Maybe a vacation? Maybe some drinks from coconut shells on a white sandy beach with fibre internet and a life time subscription to World of Warcraft..? Who knows what it wants, least of all me.
So in lieu of any of those options becoming one with reality, I will get some more tea, sit by a hot fire and contemplate exactly how spiders know the exact time to jump on you while in the shower. And if they behave, maybe even let the brain worms out for a bit of a play too.
PS: I do not have brain worms. Any suggestions I have brain worms are for comedic purposes, and not to be taken seriously. Brain worms are a fictional part of the story and do not even exist and if they did exist why would they even inhabit such a mushy and unintelligent brain such as mine when there are numerous, more powerful people in which to inhibit. Haha. I don’t have brain worms! You have brain worms! Which is false, because they do not exist.
PPS: The brain worms made me write that

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